I have so many things going on right now that my mind actually hurts to think about them all. Plus, I’m suffering from a bad cold and associated headache & fatigue. But all in all, everything is good. I feel so happy and peaceful inside today. I wish I had the words to write down all that I’m thinking, but I’m too tired to formulate a paragraph. I’m thinking about love, friends, blogging, family, children, caring for one-another, health, work, play and death. I am making plans. I am living in the moment. I am living my authentic life. Thank you all for reading and being part of my journey.
Both kids were off to school no problems, yay. I had a great day today. Only three days into this five-day break from work and I have to say I am feeling a LOT more grounded than I have felt for a while. This may become a permanent situation. I’ll keep you posted…
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I managed to get BOTH kids off to school today. My youngest is *not* a morning person, and after her aches and pains yesterday, she was still under the covers at 8:30. She perked-up quickly with a bowl of hot oatmeal, then a cartoon on TV made her laugh, and from there it was easy to get her out the door. Phew!
Derek left for the hospital around 7am. He was exhausted after being up most of the night with side-effects of the new chemotherapy drug. I don’t know how he manages to keep a level head these days — I’d be miserable if I had to go through these yucky bowel discomforts. He is happy not to have the ileostomy any more, but now he’s battling life without a rectum. I’ve always just taken my rectum for granted. But now, I don’t. Enjoy your rectum while you have one, people. Once it’s gone your body is no longer able to store feces.
I think I’ll just end this post here.
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I decided to take the week off work to see just what this stay-at-home mom thing is all about. Derek is at the BC Cancer Agency as a day-patient all week (he comes home at night) to take part in a clinical trial. The trial grants him access to a drug that the doctors think might be promising for shrinking his lung tumors. The drug is administered orally, but he still needs to be supervised and have regular blood tests as part of the scientific research.
That said, my gut gut feeling about needing to be at home for my family seems to be right. My youngest daughter started feeling sick last night, and this morning she woke in tears. She is now on the couch with a headache and a tummy ache. It is not unusual for her to get sick on days when Derek is in the hospital. I think her little body feels the sadness and worry in physical, not psychological ways right now. I’m glad to be home from work to look after her. Normally on a day when she and Derek are both sick I would need to send her to her grandparent’s for the day. It is great having grandparents so close an so helpful and caring — but I’m glad it is me who can care for her some days. It just feels right that I be here.
I’m sure she will be back to school tomorrow — maybe even by lunch today if she perks-up.
In the mean time, I will do laundry. I also woke-up feeling sick today — sore throat. So I may take a little nap later.
Posted in blogging, cancer, kids | 2 Comments »
I am feeling good about my decision to take a few days off work (all of next week, and two days the following week, total 7 days). Derek is spending every day at the BC Cancer Agency next week for the new chemotherapy clinical trial, then we are both attending a two-day workshop at InSpire Health the following week.
I’ve been feeling more and more of a pull toward staying home these days to look after the girls. I had been contemplating leaving work altogether, but have compromised and decided to just take a few days off, then go back and see how I feel. I absolutely love my job, and I love working, earning, (spending!), and getting dressed-up to do something out of the house. I know teaching is my calling in life, but there are days when it feels like I’m just giving too much of myself to too many people. I give to my kids, give to my husband, and give to the special needs students at work…. like Richard Gere says in “Nights in Rodanthe” — Who keeps you safe?? Swoon.
It has been almost two years since Derek got diagnosed with cancer, and I feel like we are running a never-ending marathon. The only solution to save from burning-out is to pace myself. I’m sure it is the right decision. One day at a time.
There are no Knights on White Horses trotting around outside my door (although applications are being accepted..), and it is becoming more and more clear to me that the only person who is available to look after me is ME. Seriously, it is kind of sad to have to dote on myself, but nobody else does. So, I’ve decided to be the boss of my own self-care, and to do a few extra little things to help keep me afloat. For example, I have another massage booked for Friday after work, and I will stay at the spa for an extra hour or two to relax; I am not ignoring my own necessary doctor’s appointments and grooming appointments anymore (yes, I need grooming!); I will keep-up with my exercise and podcasting, and blogging; and so on, you get the idea. Same path, new direction. Peace, love, happiness. My heart is open…
Posted in blogging, cancer, kids, mental health, teaching | 6 Comments »
Today I crashed my first wedding fair! It was located at the Holiday Inn in North Vancouver. Formerly the Coach House Inn, aka “the Roach”, the hotel has been totally re-built from the ground-up. It is a nice location for a wedding, if you don’t mind the view of the highway from the Gazebo.
My cousin is getting married, so I pretended I was engaged too, so as to get in free (non-brides had to pay $5). It wasn’t much fun, but I did enjoy the fashion show. We also got a tour of one of the “theme” rooms. I felt very voyeuristic.
Next time my cousin and I have agreed we will pose as a lesbian couple, just to see the look on the faces of all the totally square wedding accoutrement sales people who ask too many personal questions for my liking.
Posted in blogging | Tagged lesbian, wedding, wedding fair | 3 Comments »
When I was a child I fantasized about moving to a farm, driving a Trans-Am (gold paint with a black eagle on the hood, or maybe a glitter-paint Corvette, remember those sexy beasts????), and having a pet cat.
Life has not turned-out that way, obviously. Farms are too isolated and require too much work for me. Trans-Am’s are no longer cool, and to be honest I don’t really care if my car is cool or not as long as it starts-up each and every morning without fail.
And most sadly of all: I’m allergic to cats. I’m horrifically allergic to cats. I think I could die from this allergy if I had too many cats around me — that’s how bad it is. I get sneezy, grumpy, and blisters form on my eyeballs if they come in contact with cat fur.
I’m not allergic to anything else, just cats (and some other furry pets), and that is so sad for me. I tell everyone I’m “not a pet person”, but really I just can’t live with them.
Today I spent some time at the local pet store. I wish I could have come home with a little kitty. I need snuggles. I want a cat so bad.
And no, not a hairless cat. I want a puffy little cat. I would name it Poppy.
Posted in pets | Tagged allergies, cats, dogs, snuggles | 7 Comments »
The Fall 2008 Edition of the Canadian quarterly Moods Magazine is now on shelves at Chapters stores. It is also available for online subscription by calling 888-275-8007. The free part of the magazine’s website is well written and worth checking-out. A huge stigma-buster, Moods Magazine brings the topic of Mental Health to all of us via mainstream media. The articles are well-written and the ads are a good resource for people seeking help for mood disorders or addictions.
Moods Magazine is affiliated with Changing Perceptions Inc., a non-profit organization dedicated to providing awareness and information about mental illness, especially in the area of mood disorders. Our consumer publication provides educational information in layperson terms to the general public, educational institutions, and to the workplace. Moods emphasizes prevention through education, and supplies those living with a mood disorder (and illnesses that may be simultaneously present, such as addictions, anxiety disorders, eating disorders, borderline personality disorder, etc.) with easy-to-read, useful information, while also diminishing the stigma attached to mental illness.
Posted in depression | Tagged depression, Moods Magazine, Mary Walsh | No Comments »
I hope it does not rain too hard for this kids tonight. Both of mine are going trick-or-treating with girlfriends, then having a sleep-over. Could get crazy!
I’m spending today with Derek at InSpire Health; we are meeting with a new doctor to discuss complementary therapies for his metastatic cancer. I’m looking forward to hearing a second opinion about the phase one trials.
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged cancer, Halloween, InSpire Health, trick-or-treat | No Comments »
Today Karen invited me to join her for shopping at the Portobello West Market in Vancouver. I had a wonderful time, and made three purchases from local artists:
1. A wrap t-shirt made of organic cotton/soy fibre (size and colour chosen for me by the designer!)
2. A pair of bumble-bee earrings by BuenoStyle (they match my tattoo!)
3. A pair of framed photos by local photographer Jeff Maihara (Jeff grew-up in my home city, North Vancouver!)
Unlike most mall shopping experiences, I paid the artist directly. What a great feeling it is to support local talent, and come home with quality, unique pieces to savor for a lifetime. It was a great shopping experience.
Here is a list of some up-coming craft/art markets in Vancouver:
Portobello West November 30,2008.
Green Christmas Sunday Dec. 7, 2008.
Fab Fair Winter Show November 22, 2008 (Heritage Hall, 3110 Main St. Vancouver 11am-5pm).
Women’s Winter Faire (various dates).
Circle Craft Christmas Fair Nov. 11-16, 2008.
oneofakind Christmas show and sale Nov. 20-23, 2008.
I say, fuck the mall. Go to a craft fair.
Posted in art, crafts, link-love, shopping, winter | Tagged Vancouver, Portobello West, BuenoStyle.com, Craft Fairs | No Comments »
